I just don't understand

I was appalled at the way sides were taken and the principals of Christianity abandoned last year at the Upper New York Annual Conference when the issue of homosexuality came up. Sides were taken and it was obvious that there was no middle ground. The same thing happened at General Conference, nice job of being role models of what a church should be like folks; how am I supposed to teach Christ in my church with all of you as my example?
There is a middle here, and I stand in it.
The Bible teaches me that marriage is between a man and a woman (Genesis 2) and somewhere in the book of law in the Old Testament is something about sex with animals or with other men being wrong. Paul talks much about homosexuality being wrong. When I see the effects of AIDS I really do understand these different cultures and their view of homosexuality. Yet, that is not the end. Didn't these diseases come to be when we perverted the law God gave to us? Didn't these diseases come to be because man did not keep the one flesh idea between him and ONE other? Didn't these diseases spread because of man's lust for beauty and power? As I see it, God intended us to be one flesh with just one other person. I thought sin was sin; that no sin was greater than another. I know I sin and frequently repeat sin that is in my past. I thought we were people that trusted in the Holy Spirit. Now I don't know about you but I am convicted by the Spirit when I sin. Sometimes another person points out sin in my life, yet most often I know from the Spirit when I have sinned. It's a feeling I get that my relationship with the Creator is not right and because I live in relationship with God through Christ and in the Holy Spirit I am driven to find the source of that which I love. I seek it out and make it right, I repent of my sin. If that is my experience, wouldn't the Spirit be working in the lives of homosexuals and telling them they are in a relationship of sin and they needed to repent?
The Christ that I know taught that we are to obey the laws from the Old Testament. He taught me that what is truly important is our relationship with God. People were getting to hung up about obeying the law that they forgot what was truly important: serve ONLY GOD with all your being. Love others as you want to be loved (Matthew 22:37-39). I don't know about you, but I would not choose to be a homosexual. Very few of us would want be be treated that way. Very few of us would want to be "loved" as the church is "loving" that group of people. I know I don't want to go back to the one fabric rule (Leviticus 19:19) and I am guilty of planting clover in wheat fields. Not to mention that because I am an amputee I would not be allowed in the temple and my boys would have to wait outside with me because they were born with hearing impairments. (somewhere in the book of law) I told my my wife I was alright with the idea of her having a tattoo (Leviticus 19:28). The God I know welcomes all people. The God I know said love people and let God be their judge (Matthew 7).
The God that I know speaks of having good plans for the people of God (Jeremiah 29:11-13) And what happened to "Let he that is without sin cast the first stone" (John 8:1-11)? Seems we have another perfect person, other than Christ, in our church. I don't think that it is a coincidence that the "evil forces" of the world that are talked about in our Baptismal Covenant have found an issue not directly confronted by Christ to cause division in the Body of Christ. Didn't Christ say something about placing stumbling blocks in the way of people coming to know Christ? (Matthew 18:6)
There are many homosexuals in my life. They are fundamental to my spirituality, I have learned so much about who I am and who God is to me from them. They deserve the right to teach us from our pulpits about love, humility and wrestling with God. I seem to remember that John Wesley told his followers that we each must work out our own theology. So at what point do we stop telling others what they MUST believe in order to be a part of the denomination that proclaims "Open Hearts, Open Minds and Open Doors"?
Last week I had a discussion about homosexuality with another pastor. I said that many homosexuals believe they are who God made them to be. His reply was that genetically he is an alcoholic; he does not understand the argument about how God made us to be. I don't think he abused alcohol from birth. I don't think alcoholism made him happy; the deep down happiness that I know in my soul from knowing, trusting and loving God. I believe there was more than just a sin issue in his giving up drinking. How do I tell that to someone who is so stiff necked that they can not see another person's point of view? How do I tell that to a denomination who would not even consider and "agree to disagree" motion?
I just don't understand.
Don't we have better and more important things to do than to fight over this?
The Methodist Church has a history of fracturing and coming together again. Maybe we should fracture, love each other and move forward to build the Body of Christ until the day we can see eye to eye on the issue. That way we would be doing what truly matters to God. Then again I don't know which side I would choose.
I believe that homosexuals should have the right to be together and have the same rights as heterosexuals. Seems odd to say that; I mean that I don't have to "come out" as a heterosexual. I know same sex couples that I would be honored to have as parents to my children should something happen to me and my wife. Yet, I can't do a same-sex marriage. I can't do a same sex marriage not just because my denomination says I can't; if my heart told me it was the right thing to do, I would find a way to do it. My heart is not in that place, it just does not feel right to me. I am glad that I have colleagues in ministry that do feel God calling them to do those services. I just don't understand why I stand where I do on the issue. And, yet again I believe abortion is wrong and yet a woman has the right to choose. Odd place for a Republican right?
Welcome to my world; the world I just don't understand.
All of this does help me with my faith. Paul tells us to be in the world but not of the world (Romans 12:2) perhaps I am of God, I certainly don't fit in here. Perhaps I fit in better than I feel I do.
I just don't understand.
Matthew 9 has my closing prayer. Lord, I believe; help my unbelief!